John and I have recently been reflecting on our ethos.
We see lots of different kinds of people. We meet couples who love each other but are distressed that their sexual life together appears to have stalled, people who have suffered sexual trauma, people who experience sex as superficial or unsatisfactory and long for more, people with sexual anxieties, and lots more besides. But what the people we work with have in common is a view of sex that isn’t titillating, or purely physical, like an itch that needs to be scratched, but rather something which is a deep and fundamental aspect of themselves, which needs to be attended to.
If we were to formulate our ethos it would be this: sexual expression is a fundamental aspect of human dignity.
It is for this reason that we call our work ‘Love and Sex coaching’. We’re not primarily interested in sex as performance, or sex as recreation. We think of sex as a crucial aspect both of self expression and deep emotional connection with others.
And we try to reflect this ethos in our website. Obviously, we’re both mature people. We make no attempt to be sexy or to glam ourselves up. We don’t put photos of attractive young people on the site. We try to speak to people as honestly as we can, in as human a way as we can. Because we want to be available for everyone. We want people to be able to see us and be listened to, and have their issues addressed with love and compassion. We’re not sex workers or escorts. We don’t engage with our clients sexually. We don’t allow our clients to touch us. What we do is engage with people from a position of love, and that sometimes involves touch, sometimes involves talk, and sometimes involves giving information.
Here’s another crucial thing: people are so shamed around sex. They’re shamed about their desires. Or their lack of desire. About their performance. All kinds of things. Think about journalistic staples: they all involve shame. So something that should be part of the joy and beauty of being alive is often a source of shame, awkwardness and embarrassment. That is what is shameful. But it isn’t the individual who should be ashamed, but our society, which allows an epidemic of unnecessary sexual unhappiness to go unchecked.
We are proud of our work. But we are aware that we operate in a society which, although apparently very sexualised, does very little to ensure that this fundamental aspect of a human being can be fully and joyfully expressed. So we are grateful to you for supporting us, for helping to tell people about us, because how else are they to know?