Talking about sex sounds easy to many of us. Some of us can’t shut up about it! So it was interesting for John and I when we ran a workshop on Pleasure for the national Sexpression conference at Edinburgh University recently. Young, mostly medical students are running a fantastic sex education programme for 16 years around the country. It is more comprehensive than anything I could have imagined when I was young.
How much I would have welcomed knowing then so much that I learnt the hard way through trial and error in my romantic relationships. Not having a brother, the male body was a strange and unknown landscape and I worked my away around it without a map. Burt more importantly my own body was a wonder and a surprise as I discovered what I did and did not like myself.
I learnt along the way that pleasure is about the senses and my willingness to be in my body. And once in my body pleasure is about how much I am willing to feel not just joy but all my feelings, to be intimate with myself and to let other people be intimate with me when I choose.
So how does this relate to talking about Sex? In our first Women’s Sexuality Meetup Group in Glasgow we dived into conversation about what interested us. And what we quickly noticed was that every term we used meant something different to each of us. Simple words like sex and sensuality and pleasure were not really a common language. Instead our cultures, our life experiences, our age and our social context all meant that there was a rich sharing of what matters to each of us that could enlarge our understanding of what can really be meant when we talk to another person.
We agreed some simple rules for our future discussions
- We don’t need to have the same views but the inquiry is really valuable
- The value of sharing what happens in our bodies when we have experiences. We don’t want to be disassociated from our bodies and so need pay attention to how the subjects we are discussing really feel like within us
- To reflect on our experience of ourselves and our personal peer groups. We come from different backgrounds so we see and can share the ways different groups understand and act on sexuality in their lives
- To focus on one main topic for each meeting.
1. What is sexual attraction and flirtation
2. What is sex
3. Tantric Goddess session
4. Relationships and sexuality (not the same thing)
5. Desire and wanting
6. What Feminine and Masculine mean and the impact of these words
And the topic for the next meeting is PLEASURE
If you are a woman who can make it to the West End of Glasgow for 6 p.m. on Wednesdays we will be meeting every four weeks. The next meeting is 15 November and the cost is £15 Please contact us to book a place.