The Sex Lectures are the creation of Alison Pilling, and were brought into being in 2018 by a collaborative effort between her and Roger Bygott, a Manchester visual and interdisciplinary artist and dancer.

Alison’s intention was to manifest a place where people could talk about sexuality in all its many aspects, in a way which was friendly and open, neither too sleazy nor too spiritual; a place where people could be challenged, but not confronted.

So far, there have been seven events in Manchester. The evening at the CCA on 23 November will be the first in Scotland. Events are planned for London next year.

The CCA is a perfect location. Urban, arty, risk taking, and at the same time welcoming and friendly. In Manchester, the Events have been held at The International Anthony Burgess Centre and The Whitworth Art Gallery. Not in a basement with sticky carpets.

If you go on YouTube and search ‘The Sex Lectures’ – and you should – you’ll find 31 of the talks that have already been given, with topics such as:

Vulnerability and Intimacy

Orgasm Re-imagined

The Art Of Love And Desire

The Joys Of Real Communication

Sex, Risk & Writing

Female Sexuality & Osho

How To Love A Vagina

Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Sex

Touch Changes Lives

In assembling speakers for the CCA event, Alison has tried to maintain this kind of diversity and eclecticism. So, there will be something about Art, something about Porn Addiction, something about Authenticity, something about Consent..incredibly varied, and because each talk is only 12 minutes long, even if something doesn’t quite float your boat, there’ll be another one along shortly.

There are only 60 tickets available, and over half have been sold as at 4 November, so if you want to be part of something new, go to https://ccaglasgow.ticketsolve.com/shows/873613215/events/

Of all the forms of unhappiness in our society, sexual unhappiness is the most tragic, because it is so widespread, and because it is avoidable.

We are taught that sexuality is about bodies, techniques and orgasms. It’s not true: primarily, it is about expression of the deepest aspects of ourselves, and the overcoming of a profound loneliness and isolation through heartful, embodied connection.

In this workshop, I will join forces with my friend and fellow sex coach Alison Pilling ( www.sexschoolforgrownups.com) to teach Couples how to enable their erotic lives to flourish and deepen.

We will teach you about Mosher’s sexual styles, so you can understand and appreciate the different ways human beings are in their sexuality, rather than see difference as a sign of failure or disappointment.

We will introduce you to the Wheel Of Consent, which can dramatically enhance clear communication with your partner.

We will teach you different ways to touch, and how to greatly widen your touch vocabulary.

We will show you how you can expand your idea of what touch is, so it becomes a source of creativity and innovation, rather than repetition.

We will introduce you to the Wheel Of Sexuality, opening you up to a vast landscape of variety and connection.

We will give you a series of practical, heartful exercises which you can practice at home.

This is the only workshop that Alison and I will be offering in Scotland until Autumn 2020,  we’re inviting 12 couples to spend time with us, enjoying learning new ways of relating.

To book, please email johnwebberfraser@gmail.com or text 07545707751

 

I gave a brief Introduction yesterday to The Wheel Of Consent for Glasgow’s Embodiment Circle. This is a lovely group of practitioners who are all concerned with the body, in its widest sense. So, we had a shiatsu practitioner, a qi gong teacher, a contact improvisation teacher, amongst others.

it was a chance for me to try things out for the two daylong workshops I’m giving at The Wee Retreat in November: a day long Wheel Of Consent Workshop on 16 November, and a workshop for Couples, which I’m running with my friend and fellow Sex Coach Alison Pilling on 24 November, who will be in Glasgow anyway to compère The Glasgow Sex Lectures at the CCA the previous evening.

One of the fundamentals of The Wheel Of Consent is an exercise called a The Three Minute Game. In this game, people pair up, and take turns to ask the other a question. This question is either:

”How would you like to touch me?”

or

”How would you like to be touched?”

The other then answers the question by saying, for example “ I’d like to stroke your hair”, and, subject to clarification and – critically: it is The Wheel Of Consent – informed by a consent which is positive, enthusiastic, in the moment and readily withdraw-able, the participants then engage in this for three minutes, then swop over.

The game is simplicity itself, but it’s also very deep. It challenges us to say what we actually want, rather than say what we ought to want, or what we feel won’t upset the other person, or what we feel is appropriate, because we can have confidence that the other person will say no if they can’t give their enthusiastic consent, and will tell us when that consent lapses.

But here’s the thing: what we ask for is obviously restricted to what we think is possible to ask for, and that in turn is restricted by limiting ideas that we have about what touch is and what it’s for, and more generally, what the body is, and what it’s for.

Something which Alison and I will do in our workshop for Couples is try to teach how to expand our touch vocabulary. We will talk about how to touch with different parts of the body ( the hair, the fingernails, the palm of the hand and so on), how to touch with a particular intention (nurturing, seductive, enquiring etc) and various other things, but I’ve recently come to think that there’s something more fundamental: when we restrict touch to being about body sensation alone ( and hence regard the body as being a kind of sensation machine) we miss something absolutely fundamental, not just in our intimate lives, but everywhere: the body is the soul. What I mean by that is that our body, all of it, is the repository of our dreams, our images, our feelings, our imaginings: everything. And touch is – or should be – one of the gateways to this vast world. And when we restrict our idea of touch to physical sensation alone, that’s when people sometimes go blank, claiming not to know what they want.

When I was working with Caffyn Jesse in Belfast the other week, it was clear – and this is one of the reasons why I’m so drawn to her work – that she’s had similar ideas, as one of her suggestions in a touch based exercise we were doing was for the person choosing touch to be able to say-

Touch me like-

Touch me as if-

You see the difference? It introduces infinite scope. I can ask for you to touch my cheek like an exultation of starlings. I could ask you to touch my chest as if you were a rhino proceeding carefully across thin ice. I can ask you to touch me like an alien incarnated in a body for the first time. I can ask you to touch me as if I am your mother, that you are seeing for the last time. Infinite.

I’ll explore these ideas further in the November workshops. If you’d like to explore them with me, come along.

How do I know what I want when I always know what I ought to want?

John’s talk from the sex lectures series held in Manchester.

Introducing the Wheel of Consent

 

The Wheel Of Consent, through touch based exercises, both alone and with partners, gives you an experience of 4 ways to touch and relate, within a conception of consent which is clear, enthusiastic and in the moment.

These 4 ways are:

Taking for your own pleasure – you do what you want – while respecting the giver’s boundaries

Allowing another to take from you – they do what they want- with your permission – while maintaining your boundaries

Serving another for their pleasure – you do what they want – within your boundaries

Accepting the gift of another’s service – they do what you want – while maintaining their boundaries.

 

The work is excellent for:

Waking up sensuality – feeling and following pleasure

Making choices – learning how to choose for yourself

Understanding the dynamics of giving and receiving

Gaining skills of empowerment and communication – having the courage to ask for what you want, and feeling safe enough to receive

Please note that the work focuses on intention, conscious choice and autonomy.  Participants will remain clothed and there is no sexual touch.

Wheel of Consent Workshop

The workshop will take place on Saturday 16 March 2019, 2-6pm at

Yoga Healing
Studio 7
22 Mansfield Street,
Glasgow
G11 5QP

Cost £25.

The workshop will be facilitated by John Fraser.  John is a sex coach and zen teacher.  He has worked extensively with Betty Martin, the originator of The Wheel.  For more information about him see:
www.loveandsexcoaching.co.uk

For more information about the workshop, and to book, please contact John at: johnwebberfraser@gmail.com   07545 707751

Every Body Loves, Hummingbird and Flower

We are delighted to offer this wonderful Feminine Embodiment Women’s Workshop Saturday 13 October with Kay Balavanes.

About Kay

Kay is an Embodiment Mentor and teacher of the Feminine Arts based in Bali who works with women in Asia, Australia & Europe. She applies her trainings & initiations in Yoga Therapeutics, 5 Element Meridian Wisdom of Chinese Medicine, Taoist & Tibetan Healing Energetics & Bodywork, Womb Awakening and Embodied Mindfulness in her classes, workshops and retreats.

Workshop Intentions

This will be an experiential movement class for our female anatomy to address the impact of modern life
The aim is to gently unravel some of the stress we are all carrying.

We will explore embodiment practices to move beyond the barriers to being fully in our bodies as women
This may include breath work, Shakti banda and womb receptivity cultivation practice.

What this means in reality is starting with the denser feelings in your body and moving to subtler layers of feeling as we journey into the womb.

1. This will be a fully clothed, gentle session of focus on our body’s as women led by a experienced practitioner in bodywork and movement for women from eastern traditions
2. We will be an intimate group of 8 women participants so we can benefit from sharing and being supported in our sisterhood
3. If you already have a deep practice there is no need to amend your practice, This can be a stand alone experience for your body
4. If you do not have any practices you may learn a few processes that you chose to continue in your life if you find them beneficial

Kay  is passionate about practices tailored to the female form to awaken the potent & intelligent energy centres of the body.  Her teachings merge eastern and western wisdom teachings, with modern science & and psychology to educate, empower & inspire every woman to deepen intimacy with herself & her life.

Workshop Details

The workshop will be in Hyndland Glasgow on Saturday October 13  from 14.00- 19.00 and costs £50.  If you are interested and would like more information or to reserve your place please contact Karen for more information.

The Women’s Sexuality Group Dates 2018 for the Glasgow Meetup Group are now available for the whole year.  We meet every four weeks between 18.00-20.00 on Wednesdays in Hyndland in the West End of Glasgow.  The schedule is:

24 January

21 February

21 March

16 May

13 June

11 July

8 August

5 September

3 October

31 October

28 November

We are enthusiastic about making this a very lively meeting that is all about inquiry.  We  share our interests and our experiences.  We also create new learning through our inquiry into women’s sexuality for ourselves and in general.  We are always interested in experimenting with the best way to facilitate great conversations. So this year we are starting the year with introducing John as a co-facilitator for our group.  John brings a wealth of different training and coaching style to working with women’s sexuality.  He can also give us a male perspective which can be very helpful in exploring the issues that arise.

 

This doesn’t mean we can’t have a woman only space.  We usually agree the subject of the next meeting at the end of the session.  If a subject comes up where we want to just share as women, we can set that up whenever we want.  The idea is to have as much flexibility as possible and create somewhere that brings in a wide range of new ideas.

 

You may have more questions about how this forum works or how we create intimacy and safety.  If you want to know more please contact Karen through our contact form with your questions.  If you provide a phone number and she will be very happy to arrange a time to chat to find out more about what matters to you and how we can make the group most welcoming for you.

 

To book a place in the group you just need to let us know that you are coming.  The cost is £15  and then you receive all the details for you to join us.  The group will never be more than 12 members at any one session so that we can feel cosy with one another.

 

 

It’s that time of year again when some of us will be delighted and some others of us will be horrified by the ‘Spirit of Xmas’.  Whatever your approach is to the festive season, there is a different wee addition to the usual fare is you are a woman who is interested in exploring your sexuality with a group of like-minded women.

 

The Women’s Sexuality Meet Up Group in Glasgow is a two hour discussion group where we can relax as new friends and share our views and experiences, our hopes and dreams and fears in a confidential and warm environment.  We can seek advice from each other, offer our opinions about life and share a good laugh about all the weird and wonderful aspects of sexual expression that we have to come to know in our experience so far.  And we can also bring up things we are wondering about exploring in the future.

We are women  who are different ages with different levels of experience so we try to bring in a range of aspects to the conversations.  We can look at what the words we are using mean to each of us.  We can share how the people around us in our lives may respond to the subject.  We can talk about what these experiences feel like in our bodies and our emotional responses.  We can laugh at the surprises that turn up along the way.  And we can share some of the pain of disappointment that we all feel from time to time when life is bringing us the experiences we had hoped for.

Xmas Women’s Sexuality Meetup Group Glasgow – Save The Date

 

We aim to cover a different theme each time and usually to set this in advance.  However at the Xmas meeting we will decide what is important for us on the day.  This will be on Wednesday 20 December between 18.00 and 20.00 in the West End of Glasgow.  You can book your place by contacting us and paying the £15 in advance.  See you there.

Talking about sex sounds easy to many of us.  Some of us can’t shut up about it!  So it was interesting for John and I when we ran a workshop on Pleasure for the national Sexpression conference at Edinburgh University recently.  Young, mostly medical students are running a fantastic sex education programme for 16 years around the country.  It is more comprehensive than anything I could have imagined when I was young.

 

How much I would have welcomed knowing then so much that I learnt the hard way through trial and error in my romantic relationships.  Not having a brother, the male body was a strange and unknown landscape and I worked my away around it without a map.  Burt more importantly my own body was a wonder and a surprise as I discovered what I did and did not like myself.

 

I learnt along the way that pleasure is about the senses and my willingness to be in my body.  And once in my body pleasure is about how much I am willing to feel not just joy but all my feelings, to be intimate with myself and to let other people be intimate with me when I choose.

 

So how does this relate to talking about Sex?  In our first Women’s Sexuality Meetup Group in Glasgow we dived into conversation about what interested us.  And what we quickly noticed was that every term we used meant something different to each of us.  Simple words like sex and sensuality and pleasure were not really a common language.  Instead our cultures, our life experiences, our age and our social context all meant that there was a rich sharing of what matters to each of us that could enlarge our understanding of what can really be meant when we talk to another person.

 

We agreed some simple rules for our future discussions

  • We don’t need to have the same views but the inquiry is really valuable
  • The value of sharing what happens in our bodies when we have experiences. We don’t want to be disassociated from our bodies and so need pay attention to how the subjects we are discussing really feel like within us
  • To reflect on our experience of ourselves and our personal peer groups. We come from different backgrounds so we see and can share the ways different groups understand and act on sexuality in their lives
  • To focus on one main topic for each meeting.

Future Topics

1. What is sexual attraction and flirtation
2. What is sex
3. Tantric Goddess session
4. Relationships and sexuality (not the same thing)
5. Desire and wanting
6. What Feminine and Masculine mean and the impact of these words
7. Beauty

And the topic for the next meeting is PLEASURE

If you are a woman who can make it to the West End of Glasgow for 6 p.m. on Wednesdays we will be meeting every four weeks.  The next meeting is 15 November and the cost is £15  Please contact us to book a place.

 

It is a real pleasure for me to see how the community of women who are interested in exploring sexuality and intimacy is growing in Glasgow and Edinburgh.  Our August women’s sexuality weekend workshops, “Reconnecting to feminine wisdom for health and wholeness” and “My Body My Self” with Pauline Mc Cluskey brought together a great group of women who dived straight in to the exploration with honesty, vulnerability and strength.

 

It felt a heart warming to come together with old friends and make new ones.  The workshops gave us the opportunity to  connect with the glories and challenges of living  in our women’s bodies and learn from our different ways of being feminine.  It inspired me to set up a regular meeting for women to support and learn with each other about the different paths of pleasure and find more freedom in self-expression.  So the Women’s Sexuality Meet Up group Glasgow was born!

 

Conscious sexuality and body confidence give us a fantastic springboard for tapping into our creativity and living life with more passion. As women, most of us are less confident than we could be in this area and so we can limit our enjoyment in life and underestimate our positive impact on others.

 

For the first introductory meeting we will be holding an informal and fun session to identify what would really make our group a stimulating, expansive and place to be. We will be setting the agenda for the types of subjects we will be exploring together over the next few months. We will be agreeing how to ensure that we feel safe, supported and also challenged to express our sexuality as women in a way that is fully authentic for each one of us.  https://www.meetup.com/Women-Only-Sexuality-And-Wellbeing/

 

The  Women’s Sexuality Meetup Group Glasgow will meet in Hyndland (West End) and there are only 10 places available. The date is Wednesday 18 October between 18.00- 20.00. We will agree our schedule at this meeting.  The cost is £15.

 

In addition, John and I will be running a workshop for students on the lovely subject of ‘Pleasure’ for the Sexpression National Conference at Edinburgh University on Sunday 4 November 2017.  I am looking forward to bringing some of the wisdom we have been sharing in our women only forums to introduce to young women and men at the start of their adult lives.  The more we can pass on our hard won learning, the more joy will be spread in the world and that feels like a great move in the right direction to me.