Does Your Sexuality Feed You?
When we think of sexual issues, we tend to think either in terms of sexual services or in terms of fixing a specific problem.
One of the reasons I don’t call myself a tantric practitioner, for instance, although I am, is that the term tantra and particularly tantric massage is often completely misused to mean a cursory erotic massage with a happy ending, usually purchased by men from attractive younger women.
Difficulty explaining what we do extends even to what we call ourselves.
I used to call myself a Sex Coach until I realised that what people thought that meant was that I would help them perform better at sex. When actually the performance idea was the last thing that I want to encourage.
One reason why I now call myself a Somatic Sex Therapist is that, I didn’t think that people would misunderstand me as being a provider of sexual services. So I wouldn’t get pestered by texts from men at 11:00 at night saying “My truck’s nearby.What about it?”
Buth the problem with ‘somatic sex therapist’is that the onus really is on problems rather than pleasure, when [unlike talking therapy] my whole focus is on creating meaningful change through pleasure.
When we’re confused, it’s often helpful to look for an analogy.
I’ve been a meditation teacher for 36 years.
People tend to come to meditation because they have something that they’re not entirely happy with in their life. They may feel their life lacks purpose or meaning.Or their minds are too busy or too negative, something like that.
So that’s generally what brings them to meditation. Dissatisfaction of some sort.
But once they start meditating, what they realise is that it’s opened a whole door to a new and different and better way of being.
It’s helpful to think of my sexuality work in a similar way:
You’re motivated to contact me because there’s an issue. But hidden underneath that and this is very, very important – there’s a longing, that your soul wants to manifest what’s there as yet unlived and what’s always been there, particular to you, not some general bullshit idea of what your sexuality should be like, but who you are. Who you’ve always been.
My favorite kind of clients aren’t people that come with a specific issue they want to resolve and then go. The people I’m meant to work with want to go on a journey.
Some dissatisfaction is motivating the start of that journey.But once we’re on the journey together, it’s like a miracle.It is like seeing facets of your life which always at some level you knew were there, but you never quite saw.
[if you want to explore the possibility of working with me, either email me johnwebberfraser@gmail.com or text me on 07545707751, and we’ll get something in the diary]
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