These are the most common issues with couples that I’ve come across in my work:
-one or both have lost interest in sex
-The sex is boring, limited and repetitive
-Communication is poor
-There’s too much focus on intercourse (or an equivalent) and orgasm
-Emotional connection has deteriorated
All these issues can be worked with online.
Here’s my approach. It is unique, cost effective and doesn’t take ages:
I have an initial short online conversation with you – which is free – to see if we want to work together.
I then send each of you a detailed questionnaire to be filled in separately, without conferring or sharing.
I then have a separate online consultation with each of you to go over your questionnaire and get further details. This enables me to get a sense both of where the problems in the relationship might be, and the opportunities for growth and pleasure.
All three of us then meet online and, based on what I’ve ingathered from you I give you some starting exercises to do and report back, and in subsequent sessions ( if we decide to have them) we fine tune these, and add further exercises, so you gradually overcome the issues which effect almost all couples, but also re-imagine sexuality from many perspectives: playful, heartful, tantric, body based and others, greatly increasing your sense of what’s possible
All the sessions are just talking. You don’t have to do anything weird or embarrassing in them. You do the exercises privately, and just share later with me in as much detail as you feel comfortable with.
This is my perspective:
There’s quite a fixed idea of how good sex should be. Elsewhere, I’ve called it “ The Hollywood Model”. Both of you are very engaged and involved with each other. The focus is on intercourse and orgasm, which should be noisy and simultaneous. There’s nothing wrong with this idea, but it’s limited. And that limitation is the cause of many problems.
The revolutionary idea of Donald Mosher -which I use in my system – is that there are three sexual styles, which he calls Trance, Partner Engagement and Play. The Hollywood Model is the second one, but it often doesn’t fit our actual nature, or doesn’t fit all our needs.
Poor communication and boredom both follow from the limited ‘Hollywood Sex’ model. If you think the be-all and end-all of sex is orgasm through intercourse, then you’re just going to focus on that. And if it isn’t working, it must mean that there’s something wrong with you, that your technique is faulty, or similar problem focused nonsense, which isn’t helpful.
As sexual beings we need variety. Variety in what we can feel with our bodies, and what we feel in our hearts and our imagination. And we won’t necessarily get our needs met by doing much the same thing with lots of different people. So, I combine Mosher with a way of re-imagining sexuality called The Wheel of Sexuality, which broadens our usual ideas of sexuality into 8 broad areas: Agreement/Communication, Energetic Practices/Tantra, Ritual, The Heart, Innocence, Risk, Body and Fantasy/Play
Embodiment. Communication. Variety: that’s my perspective.
If this chimes for you, just get in touch with me, and we’ll arrange a free Zoom call to explore if you want to work with me.