These are the most common issues with couples that I’ve come across in my work:

-one or both have lost interest in sex
-The sex is boring, limited and repetitive
-Communication is poor
-There’s too much focus on intercourse (or an equivalent) and orgasm
-Emotional connection has deteriorated

All these issues can be worked with online.

Here’s my approach. It is unique, cost effective and doesn’t take ages:

I have an initial short online conversation with you – which is free – to see if we want to work together.

I then send each of you a detailed questionnaire to be filled in separately, without conferring or sharing.

I then have a separate online consultation with each of you to go over your questionnaire and get further details. This enables me to get a sense both of where the problems in the relationship might be, and the opportunities for growth and pleasure.

All three of us then meet online and, based on what I’ve ingathered from you I give you some starting exercises to do and report back, and in subsequent sessions ( if we decide to have them) we fine tune these, and add further exercises, so you gradually overcome the issues which effect almost all couples, but also re-imagine sexuality from many perspectives: playful, heartful, tantric, body based and others, greatly increasing your sense of what’s possible

All the sessions are just talking. You don’t have to do anything weird or embarrassing in them. You do the exercises privately, and just share later with me in as much detail as you feel comfortable with.

This is my perspective:

There’s quite a fixed idea of how good sex should be. Elsewhere, I’ve called it “ The Hollywood Model”. Both of you are very engaged and involved with each other. The focus is on intercourse and orgasm, which should be noisy and simultaneous. There’s nothing wrong with this idea, but it’s limited. And that limitation is the cause of many problems.

The revolutionary idea of Donald Mosher -which I use in my system – is that there are three sexual styles, which he calls Trance, Partner Engagement and Play. The Hollywood Model is the second one, but it often doesn’t fit our actual nature, or doesn’t fit all our needs.

Poor communication and boredom both follow from the limited ‘Hollywood Sex’ model. If you think the be-all and end-all of sex is orgasm through intercourse, then you’re just going to focus on that. And if it isn’t working, it must mean that there’s something wrong with you, that your technique is faulty, or similar problem focused nonsense, which isn’t helpful.

As sexual beings we need variety. Variety in what we can feel with our bodies, and what we feel in our hearts and our imagination. And we won’t necessarily get our needs met by doing much the same thing with lots of different people. So, I combine Mosher with a way of re-imagining sexuality called The Wheel of Sexuality, which broadens our usual ideas of sexuality into 8 broad areas: Agreement/Communication, Energetic Practices/Tantra, Ritual, The Heart, Innocence, Risk, Body and Fantasy/Play

Embodiment. Communication. Variety: that’s my perspective.

If this chimes for you, just get in touch with me, and we’ll arrange a free Zoom call to explore if you want to work with me.

One New Year I met a fencer.  I was very young, and knew nothing about sex.  But that night I was in a particular mood, and although I ejaculated far too early, probably when she was undressing or in the shower or something I didn’t curl up and die with embarrassment. Rather, I decided to be brave and joyful.  And most importantly, I decided to just keep going, to be as affectionate and loving as I could for as long as I could.


At some point that night, she ejaculated.  I didn’t know anything at all about female ejaculation at the time.  I didn’t do anything technical.  I didn’t even know about her G spot, far less stimulate it.  I was bracingly unfamiliar with the Skene Glands, the female prostate. But, we had stayed in connection for hours. That was the important thing, the connection.


It’s different now of course. Porn has got hold of it. As has that loathsome man, The Technical Lover.  You can watch videos showing how to induce it in your woman.  There’s lots of books. Something traditionally thought of as sacred has become something in one’s repertoire.  It’s unbearably sad.  The UK Government even chose to ban depiction of it in 2014, as they wrongly thought that female ejaculate was urine.


A society always gets what it believes.  We don’t believe in magic, or the sacred, or that each one of us is intimate with everything, but we do believe in expertise.  And so, everything sexual becomes the object of that expertise.


I remember massaging a client anally, and she ejaculated, and said “How did you do that?” as if it was a trick, an unusual technical skill. But perhaps it’s easier to believe in expertise than to believe that a woman’s body is a miracle, not a set of buttons.  A miracle.  Whole and entire.


It shouldn’t be necessary to say this, but it is. The thing which is unbearably sad is that this – like the presence or absence of pubic hair – has become one more way to shame women. It’s one more thing that you’re expected to do, one more thing to feel inadequate about.


You could say that Primal Woman holds up the world. If we can’t see her in each woman, then we might all fall into oblivion. Think about that, Technical man.