How Should You Choose A Sexuality Practitioner?
What’s the best way to choose a sexuality practitioner to work with?
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The obvious answer is personal recommendation from someone you trust, but often you don’t have that.
So to make an informed decision,you need to ask yourself several questions.
.Firstly, what perspective does this practitioner have? And does that perspective make sense to me? And might it work for me?
Nobody’s for everybody [although some people are for nobody]
On my website, on my social media [Instagram @johnwebberfraser] and elsewhere, I post videos and blogs about my approach to sexuality, which isn’t a mainstream approach.
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I do that not because I’m trying to sell, but because I’m trying to inform. So you can choose.
Some people will watch my material and say: “This bloke’s bonkers. He’s posting lots of stuff about connection and the holistic nature of sex and nothing about how I can stay hard for 20 hours and drive women wild”. Well indeed.
That’s why my videos aren’t very ‘professional’. Because all I want to do is to give you some sense of who I am, whether or not I might be the guy for you, and whether it makes sense to get in touch to start the ball rolling with an introductory conversation.
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Second, although people very often describe sexuality work as being professional, by which they mean it’s not dodgy, there are ethics, that they behave properly to you, all that jazz
.But it’s not really professional work. It’s not like seeing an accountant.
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It’s relational work.
So the question is, do I get on with this person; am I able to go deep with this person?
Is this person likely to understand me and be able to help me? Am I safe?
And again, that means that a practitioner might be fantastic for one person but might just not be the right person for someone else. I work well with mature people who are looking for a richer and more connected life, but am no good for someone looking for a bunch of techniques or a quick fix.
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It all depends.
.The third thing is you need to have some sense both of what the work will consist of, and where that work’s going to take you.
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So you need to have at least a rudimentary sense of:
“ This is where I am now”
“This is what I want to change”
“This is where I want to go”
“This is how I’m going to get there”
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That is, from the get-go, there’s a kind of map. Any responsible practitioner will give you such a map. It shouldn’t be ‘Trust Me’. It shouldn’t be abracadabra.
But [fourth thing] the map isn’t some kind of technique or method that’s applied to everybody, but rather it’s your map. It addresses your specific situation, desires and nature so the way of working is specific to you.
If somebody basically just says, “I’m fantastic and I do this and it sorts everybody’s problems”, these are people to avoid.
And lastly, there shouldn’t be any surprises. Discoveries yes, but no surprises.
If it’s clear what the work is, then it should be clear what’s going to happen at any particular session.
So when I’m doing bodywork – my work isn’t exclusively bodywork – but when I am, I’m very clear to explicitly agree boundaries in advance with you, which can be restricted further [by you], but which can’t be expanded. Which creates safety for both of us. And that safety is an absolute prerequisite for any meaningful change.
And this sort of clarity is good for both of us. I only want to work with you if I’m able to help. And I really don’t want to waste your time, because I know how much effort and courage it’s taken to contact me at all, and you may be able to only go through that once. It’s important.
[if you want to explore the possibility of working with me, just email me at johnwebberfraser@gmail.com, or text me at 07545707751, and we can get something in the diary]
