If you Google anything to do with couples, you’re very likely to get Relate. They must spend a fortune on Internet advertising.
What you’re very likely to get at Relate is exercises in sensate focus. You may be encouraged to engage in some sensual activity with your partner – massage for example. And the idea is that you completely concentrate on what you’re doing and feeling, you don’t fret about whether or not you’re going to have sex. You just try and bring yourself back into your actual body experience.
The problem is, it often tends not to work. Couples often aren’t very interested in doing the exercises, and assume there’s nothing else that can be done for them.
We have a different approach.
Firstly, we think that over time, couples tend to get into a bit of a tangle. They tend to want to try and please each other. They aren’t in the habit of having conversations about what they want or like, and they very often confuse giving and taking.
Desire can be clearly explored
We work so that desire can be clearly explored and then spoken about, because that’s the starting point. What you would like to do? What you would like to have done to you?
Second, we think that couples need to rediscover themselves as sexual and sensual beings. So exploring your senses is a good place to start. But if you start with your partner, it’s difficult to be aware of what you feel, because your concerns and anxieties about your relationship tend to overwhelm what your body is feeling.
For both of these reasons, we will often start our work with couples with us giving erotic massage, as you can then become familiar with your pleasure again – people often don’t know and can’t say what they want – and then move onto untangling the intimate language of the relationship: how to give, how to receive, how to express what you want, how to say yes and no, and so on.
Couples who love each other, but who have got into a bit of a block and want to address that: you are our ideal clients.