In my experience, lack of sexual confidence in women can be generally expressed in one of two statements:
I’m not feeling how I’d like to feel
I don’t feel confident about what to do
The first statement is covered by what I do and have written about already: through touch enabling you to experience pleasure and arousal in a relaxed state, learning how to communicate your needs, and so on.
But I’ve not really focused on the second statement in my work so far. Broadly, I’ve made the assumption that if you’re more sure of your own sexual nature, you’ll be more confident in your interactions with men.
And most of the time that’s true. But I will come across clients who have no issues with pleasure and orgasm, but who are not confident about taking a more active role when they’re intimate with a man. Specifically, they feel awkward and slightly passive around him, and unsure about how to touch. And the effect of that is to leave them feeling unconfident, inexperienced and dissatisfied.
In response to this, I’ve now, with my fellow therapists in The School Of Conscious Touch, developed a new way of working which addresses this.
Broadly, instead of working with me alone, you work with me and another male therapist, and all three of us fully participate in the process. The other therapist is ‘the body’, but the innovation is that he actively participates too.
I originally worked in this way ten years ago with the great Sue Newsome, and had some of the warmest, most heartful experiences of my life.
You can split the work into two: how to touch, and how to navigate and explore intimacy, in real time, in a safe and contained setting.
When touch is consciously taught and experienced, that touch is very different from the customary approach we learn through our culture, which is goal driven, focusing on arousal and orgasm, and often pretty functional, like clearing a blocked drain or something. In place of that performance model, you’ll learn a way of touching which is much more focused on feeling, pleasure and connection.
How does it work? You and I will have an initial session, where we’ll discuss if this is a good way of working for you, and then we’ll set up a joint session. Sessions last two hours, and you should start to see meaningful change quickly.
As you’re paying for two of us, they’re not cheap.
But far cheaper than doing nothing.